I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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