That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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