You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
