Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
