ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
