terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
