All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
