I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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