I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
