Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
