my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
