i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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