Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Reggie can tackle my bush.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
