mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
