Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
