I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
