i was born a porn star she said
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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