Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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