Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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