I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
