I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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