guess who came home with a hottie last night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.