And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.