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I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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