I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.