Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no