oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.