Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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