why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
