please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
