We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
