I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
