Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
