I wish I could teleport
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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