I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
