so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
