soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off