My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila