I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever