were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.