I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"