saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
