i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
