I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
