I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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