i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
