I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
