you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
