I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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