Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
