I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
