ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
