Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
