I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
