**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
