TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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