dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
