i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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