I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You took a bar mat shot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
