sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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