I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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