I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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