I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
