she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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