That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
