I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
