ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
