my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
