Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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