everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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