Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
