none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
