my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
