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i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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