Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts