Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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