You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.