so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i think my cat just said my name.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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