im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
