why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
