I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.