So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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