Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
