i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
