wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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