i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
