Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
