Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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